Why I quit Blogmas & other news

It stinks to have to post this because I was so excited to participate in Blogmas for the first time but sadly if you hadn’t notice I’ve quit posting and here’s why:

Family

For those who hadn’t read my previous post my husband got into a car accident, he is ok but that put a lot of stress on us since we were without a car. 

UPDATE: We did get a new much better one.

School

For those who may not know I am a full-time student and mommy (my son is not in daycare) balancing those aren’t easy. I overestimated just how much work I would be assigned at this point in the semester. I’m currently taking a break from studying for finals to write this.

Bad Planning

I’m a little disappointed at how poorly I planned for Blogmas and this is probably the biggest reason I failed to follow through with it. I hope to really grow in this area within the next year that way I’m able to accomplish these things without pulling my hair out. 

While I didn’t follow through with Blogmas I do plan to continue to post but I don’t want to stress myself out to the point of not actually enjoying it.

IN OTHER  NEWS

I became an online ambassador for The Bloggers Hub an online community based in the UK that connect bloggers. They host Twitter chats three times a week. I’m thankful for this opportunity and the chance to meet other bloggers and learn from them. Hopefully in the future I can grow as a blogger and learn to plan properly.

For those of you reading this thank you.

Until next time!

Post Election Blues: It’s over for you but not for me.

I’ve tried to avoid this topic since learning the results. I’ve experienced a combination of terrible emotions since election day but today I’ve just accepted that this is an honest depiction of what America represents from my perspective today.

Allow me to elaborate. As a black female born in raised in the deep south I’ve become accustomed to ignorance, intolerance and bigotry. Christianity was pushed down my throat by the same people who made it very clear that my skin color was an issue and made me inferior in their eyes. I’ve received disapproving stares, threats, insults all because of the skin I was born with and yet my experiences are still minimized by those who’ve never lived any of this.

For me this election was proof of what I already knew.

America prides itself on being a nation of immigrants a melting pot but lets be clear. America was never great… at least never for people like me. You see, when my grandmother was my age it was illegal for her to marry a white man like I did, in fact she could not even attend school with white children nor could she even use the same bathroom. That was not very long ago. We like to pretend we are all afforded to same opportunities and that we are all treated the same but we are not.

I could go into detail explaining my experiences as a female and minority or tell the stories of other marginalized groups who have suffered in this country but this election has also shown me that people don’t want to understand simply because it doesn’t affect them and never will.

I will stop focusing on those who are unwilling to change and focus my attention on those who are willing to learn about and love those who are different. The only way we can truly make a difference is if we begin to take time to understand one another.

Some of us have very real anxieties and fears. If you won’t take the time to listen and understand them know that someday there will come a time when things change for you too. I do believe that everything happens for a reason, good or bad.

I have little faith in humans but I know there is something greater than all of us. We can waste time fighting each other over minor differences but we will have wasted what little time we have on this earth and that is truly sad.

I hope that one day we can come together but sadly that isn’t what I see.

The elections are over now and we have little control over what happens next but what we do have control over is how we treat each other. I’ve been attacked and I have attacked others with my words out of frustration, fear and anxiety. I’ve watched people spew their hate back and forth and I’m tired. It’s completely pointless.

We may be different complexions, genders, religions… we may even be attracted to different types of people but we all bleed the same. We all have dreams, fears and concerns. We are all born and we will all die. So lets make the time we have worthwhile and stop fighting one another.

Understand that some of us are very scared and that’s okay. We each have reasons for why we feel the way we do based on our personal experiences. There comes a time when we have to look at the grand scheme of things and realize how small we are in this universe and how many things we aren’t accomplishing because of our divisions.

I hope this country can be great one day but right now I do not see that.

The Halloween Blues

I felt it necessary to be honest about how I’m REALLY feeling today. I LOVE Halloween it’s my favorite Holiday but today I don’t feel excited or happy. I honestly just feel “BLEH” that’s the only word I could find to accurately describe how I’m feeling.

Poor mental health never takes a break. Overwhelming feelings of sadness or just general disinterest are an everyday thing for me and many others and it doesn’t take a break just because the Holiday’s arrive.

I think it’s important to address this right now because a lot of people tend to get even more frustrated with people like me around the Holiday season. You typically hear things like …

“So what are your plans”

“Why the long face”

“It’s *Insert Holiday here* Be happy!”

“What’s going on, why are you upset?”

I wanted to be honest about what I would most likely spend my Halloween doing.

It’ll go a little something like this…

Take care of my son, while simultaneously being frustrated that I can’t dress him up and take him out to trick or treat because it’s too hot where I live, my husband has to work, and my son has learned how to say “NO” and run away from me every chance he gets.

So I’ll most likely end up at home watching cartoons… alone. I’ll feed my son, bathe him and put him to sleep like usual.

Then I’ll probably snuggle up on the couch put on a scary movie on while I scroll through Instagram looking at everyones Halloween pictures from the weekend. Tweet “Happy Halloween” to everyone and go to bed.

It won’t be fun and sadly I won’t enjoy it.

I know it’s not fun to read posts like these but I feel like the internet is so curated to make it seem like everyone is having so much fun. People like me see that and wish there was someone we could relate to that shared what they REALLY feel. That’s why I wrote this.

I realize not everyone out there is a mom or wife, but I do know there are other people out there who have few friends, distant relatives, little money or just a general disinterest in being around other people and today like every other Holiday won’t be as great for those people.

I just want other who are dealing with anxiety or depression to know they are not alone. I know how it feels to always be trapped inside of your mind and I understand that even on days you really want to let loose and have fun it’s extremely difficult.

So if you find yourself on your couch, numb watching Netflix tonight alone. Just know I’ll be doing the same exact thing.

You’re not alone.

 For the rest of you.

Happy Halloween!

Fall To Do’s: Visit a Farm/Pumpkin Patch!

So my little family and I ended the week with a quick little trip to Peebles Farm in Augusta, AR. I love fall and everything autumnal and this was a great opportunity to get outdoors while enjoying all the festivities of October!

For all my fellow mom’s out there, remember getting your little one out is vital for their cognitive developing and fall is such a great season to let them explore. One great way to do that is taking them to a pumpkin patch!

My little one so enjoyed being able to run around freely and pick up and play with pumpkins. Not only is it fun but a good way for him to put those sensory motor skills to work.

He is 18 months old now and in this stage of development he has become VERY curious. So lately my husband and I have tried to find fun ways for him to learn more about the world we live in. Incorporating some things mommy loves into his learning process helps us bond in the process. I mean who doesn’t love pumpkins in the fall!

It was my husbands first time at a pumpkin patch too and it was fun for me to watch them both explore.

Going to a farm in the fall is not only relaxing but also a stress-free way to let your little one play. It is not near any roads so you don’t have to worry about him running off into the streets and it stretches for miles giving them free space to run.

The farm we went to had a fun little playground, sunflower fields and a huge corn maze!

My little one had so much fun running through the corn maze though we got a little lost, it was fun for all three of us.

Pumpkin Patches and Farms are such a fun, family friendly way to enjoy this time of year while getting that bonding time you deserve.

It’s been a busy week for this mom dealing with midterms and projects but little trips like these make all of the difference.

So tell me, what is on your fall bucket list?

Leave a comment and let me know!

What it’s like to be a young parent

This is a topic that is always on the forefront of my mind and in my opinion should be shared.

I had my son when I was 22. At 14 I thought that was the perfect age and it wasn’t until I was actually 22 that I realized how young I really was. I had yet to finish college and most people felt I was too young to be married let alone pregnant. I could agree now that may have been true but if there is one thing I’ve learned it’s that life happens and the choices you make when challenges arise are what’s most important.

I’ve touched on this topic before but not in great detail. I do want to address how difficult it has been for me being a young parent but also the stigmas centered around parenting at a young age.

People tend to believe you are incapable. 

I’m not sure if anything bothers me more which is why I made sure to place this at the top of my list. I understand that a lot of growth and maturity comes with age but also from experiences and a lot of the experiences I’ve had are quite different than a typical 23 year old.

By the time I was 22 I was more than capable of understanding what it meant and what it took to take care of myself. Yes I was lucky enough to find someone to share these responsibilities with and it makes a HUGE difference but many people assume that 23 year olds are all immature teenagers. It’s not safe to assume everyone in the early 20’s still get financial support from their family or that they even have a family.

There are many who have had to learn to take care of themselves from young ages. It’s also problematic to assume everyone grows at the same rate as you do.

Many people tend to compare their mentality and experiences to others. I get that “No way I could have had a kid at 22” type of comment often and I always think “Well that’s just it, I’m not you.”

Assumptions that it was a mistake

I’ve noticed when referring to young parents some people unintentionally refer to it as an incident or something unwanted. May I add there is a difference between unplanned and unwanted. I have ALWAYS wanted to be a mother but no I did not sit down and plan it out.

Even though I was married I did notice very little excitement, though my husband and I were extremely happy, I got a sense that others did not share that joy. Whether people admit it or not it’s lonely to be excited and not have people willing to sincerely celebrate with you.

I think it comes from the idea that you need to “have it all together” before having children. For some people that never happens and some people have half a dozen children before they are “successful.” Either way it’s important to pay attention to the tone you have when addressing young parents.

You have to deal with proving you are a responsible parent

I believe all parents deal with this to a certain extent but I feel young parents have to work twice as hard to show people they have it under control. You may be thinking what others feel about your parenting choices is not important oh but it is.

If we go to a doctor or a preschool it matters if they believe we are doing our jobs as parents adequately because the last thing we want are people believing someone else should have custody of our children.

I’ll admit this is a fear I’ve had since having my son. I know the stigmas surrounding young parents being immature and irresponsible and I have to be conscious of every move I make. I take those “So you’ve learned to change a diaper” type comments to heart because I’ve made it my biggest priority to be a good mother for my son and there is nothing worse than someone assuming I’m a irresponsible young mom.

This issue hits me hardest when I’m out in public especially if my son is having a hard time and is a bit fussy. Nothing is worse than those judgmental glares.

It’s difficult enough being a young parent without feeling scrutinized.

It’s hard but it’s worth it

It has been difficult learning to care for another human being and learning to balance achieving my goals with having a family. Being a mother has taught me a lot about myself and what I am capable of. I have never been more motivated.

I will admit it’s not the case for all young parents and yes there are some who avoid their responsibilities as parents and put them off on someone else while they do the things they want to do. However, that is not all of us. Some of us have had to sacrifice some of the things we enjoy and put that energy into helping our little ones grow and in the meantime some of us grow because of it.

I never imagined a couple years ago I would be able to work, make good grades in college and raise a son but here I am. It can be done. Being a young parent can be one of the greatest things to happen to some people in terms of growth and I hope others consider this the next time they come across a young parent.

 

 

 

Defining Success: When you feel like a failure.

Some define success as attaining wealth, others may define it as accomplishing goals. Some may view success as reaching certain standards at certain stages of life.

Getting married, finding the perfect career, having children or not having children. All of these may been seen as success to some.

One thing I’ve learned is, what success means to one person is not what it might mean to another. Within societies, however, we tend to adapt similar ideas of what success looks like, and those who take their own path are sometimes frowned upon.

I’ve struggled for years feeling like a failure because my life doesn’t look like those around me. I didn’t realize how much comparison played into what we find successful. For example, when I graduated high school with all of my peers I felt successful, I’d accomplished my first big goal.

College has been a different story. Instead of coming to college, finding the perfect major, graduating and starting families, I did the opposite. I came to college confused, changed my major twice, lost a family member, became depressed and dropped out. I then started a family, traveled a bit and thought about what I really wanted to do and then returned to finish. Though returning hasn’t made me feel successful, in fact it’s made me feel quite the opposite.

For some reason getting my degree really seemed to be the determining factor in whether I’d be successful or not. Though, many of the people our society deems as successful do not have college degrees.

Then I began to  wonder how many other people have been so brainwashed by societies ideas of success that we let ourselves feel this way.

It wasn’t until I had women telling me I was lucky to have a good husband and beautiful child that I realized success for them may look like something else. If my definition of success is having my own little loving family, then I am successful. However, when I compare my life to the standards of others I’ve learned that I might never feel successful.

Who is to say that one day when I graduate college, and find a job that I won’t still feel like a failure. Maybe I’ll have a decent job, but I may have classmates who seemingly have the “ideal” job. We tend to base our success on the success of others, at least I do. It’s a problem.

In short, others success is not the basis for our own. It’s not a competition. When you see people who are content and satisfied with where they are in life, whether it be a college drop-out, a stay at home mom, or a wealthy businesswoman, know that they are successful in their own way.

Success is relative to you and is not define by someone else.

– Rere

One important thing every married woman should know!

When Mike and I first got married I was still extremely young and still unsure of who I was, though I didn’t realize it at the time. Marrying Mike is still one the greatest things that has ever happened to me but it hasn’t been easy.

Marriage has taught me so much about myself, and my husband. One thing is for certain there are many things I still hadn’t learned about my partner (or realized about men in general) that I’d wished I’d known before.

So let me get to the point, the big reason I’m writing this is because I just realized this one major thing and it’s going to sound dumb so bear with me.

Men and women see things from two totally different perspectives! So the way we view love and respect are totally different.

Now you’re probably going “DUH, everyone know’s that,” and you’re probably thinking you’re wasting your time reading this but just hold on a second.

While I always thought I understood this concept I really did not until recently. I’d been reading this book given to me by my bible professor for my Christian families class entitled “For women only”. While reading the chapter on respect I had a major “DUH” moment (Feldhahn warned this would happened) and realized almost all of our fights prior to this knowledge could have been prevented.

I’d already started to understand just how much RESPECT meant to men and how important it is for them to feel respected by their spouse. However, I’d failed to realize that I didn’t know how to respect him in the way he needed. Respect is probably one of the most important things you can do for your husband, but sometimes we don’t realize that even if we DO respect them we may not be showing them that.

Then I started to realize how many other married women out there were constantly disrespecting their spouses without realizing or even intending to. I then started to think back on times when I personally just felt like I was expressing my thoughts or feelings and realized how rude they may have come off to my husband.

For example my husband recently pointed out to me that every time he goes grocery shopping instead of being happy for what he got, I point out everything he forgot to get or complain about what he did get. While this may seem minor in my mind and maybe yours this was a sign of disrespect for him. For him he was simply doing what he thought was right and I was unintentionally being rude by insulting his choices.

The feminist in me screams “it’s not my fault masculinity is so fragile” but then I have to remind myself men DO have feelings. When you give someone your love and trust it hurts when they disrespect you, and while we may have different ways of reacting to that hurt it’s important nonetheless to know that it’s there.

I’ve learned that sometimes things we as women may think of as minor statements could be seen as a huge sign of disrespect to our men. There has been many times I’ve dismissed my mans opinion without realizing how rude I was being. Many times I’ve questioned his judgement without intending to.

What our men really want is for us to respect them. For them, love and respect go hand in hand and the way we go about doing so shows them just how much they mean to us.

I hope this post can help someone or at least spark conversation needed to prevent future conflict.

– Rere

Social Media: Influencing Insecurities?

One thing that has been bothering me a lot lately, is my obsession with becoming the next “IT” girl. Now others around me don’t realize I have this issue but it’s there. Now when I say “IT” girl I’m referring to the girls online. You know the ones, Instagram famous, perfect figure and beautiful face with lot’s of followers and lots of comments affirming she is, in fact, beautiful.

I have never been that girl. Now don’t get me wrong I’m not TOO bad, but I’ve never stood out much. It used to be just wanting to be friends with the popular kids in school but todays technology has changed that.

We are all constantly exposed to millions of other people and while I get that people display the best of their lives I sometimes feel that I don’t even have a “best” to share. I wake up everyday and scroll through beautiful pictures of beautiful people living seemingly exciting lives and I feel “bleh.”

Comparison is the thief of joy wise ones say and it’s true.

While I totally understand that what I’m seeing online isn’t necessarily “real” I still feel like I’m missing out on being a part of something.

I grew up feeling neglected and ugly. I never received positive affirmations from family members, quite the opposite in fact. School didn’t help either… I was made fun of based on appearance quite a bit. I had friends but I was lonely. Rarely did people want to get to know me, the real me. I never sparked any conversations, not good ones anyway.

By the time I started to blossom and receive positive feedback on my appearance I didn’t believe it. Nothing anyone said at this point could get me to believe I was beautiful, and I’d be lying if I said I don’t continue to struggle with this.

Social media has become my new high school and while I’m 23 years old, married with a toddler, I still find myself wanting to fit in. I want so badly to be the girl others look up to, others find important because I’ve never felt important. I’ve never felt relevant. I’ve never felt like anyone cares how I feel, what I like to eat, or what I enjoy doing. I’ve never been the person people wanted to know about. I’ve kind of always been the invisible one.

I used to be very LOUD so I’d make myself stand out and force others to pay attention to me, but even now, even in the midst of finding who I am I feel irrelevant.

When I look online and I see those “online celebs” I envy them because others seem to care so much about who they are. It seems a bit outlandish to let others control how you feel about yourself but for me, it’s difficult not to.

Sometimes I find that I have to take short breaks from social media to allow myself to truly enjoy the life I’m living and stop comparing my life and myself to others. I don’t know if I’ll ever stop secretly seeking validation from others but I definitely believe social media influences my insecurities.

Social media or no social media, I understand that how I feel about myself and my worth come from within. It’s just taking some open and honest self-dialogue to figure that out.

I’ll get there.

 

Home remedy for Ear Infections!

Like any new parents seeing your child in pain can be super stressful especially when you can’t seem to find a solution! We seem to have found the jackpot!

My 16 month old has been getting reoccurring ear infections since he was about 9 months old. We’ve tried the usual… take him to the doctor, get antibiotics, give him pain medication and allow him to rest. It was getting old and becoming repetitive.

I’m also not a big fan of prescription drugs and antibiotics and we were CONSTANTLY given these things though they obviously weren’t treating the cause of this issue but rather masking the symptoms or providing temporary relief.

We even tried the chiropractor! It provided temporary relief but that did not last.

So we began our research.

My husband and I are big supporters of home remedies and holistic approaches to health and we heard a lot of great things about garlic and olive oil as a solution for ear infections. We found a lot of research regarding the antibacterial and antiviral properties of garlic. *Note: Antibiotics don’t help if the ear infection is caused by a virus*

We first searched online for an oil including both and came across garlic mullein oil on Amazon. The reviews were all great, however the price was a little much for our small budget. We decided to call our local natural foods store and voila!

We began using this oil immediately after purchasing. We only paid 12 dollars!

We have been applying 2-3 drops in each ear daily for the past 3 days and we already see a HUGE difference in our sons behavior!

He doesn’t pick at his ears nearly as much, he is less fussy and he is eating normally again! We are still watching his behavior but we are already impressed with the changes we’ve seen so far.

We know there must be other parents out there struggling with the same issue and suggest visiting your local natural foods store to purchase this oil! It really is a life-saver!

*This is not sponsored, we sincerely just want to help other parents who may be struggling with this issue*

-MikeandRere

Natural Hair! Do what’s best for you!

MikeandRere

I recently made the decision to “loc” my natural hair. For those who have no idea what I’m talking about, it’s basically allowing my hair to form into “dreadlocks.” Though I hate that word and rarely use it. I use the word loc or locs.

African American hair is extremely unique, so don’t think of this process as just a style. My hair naturally locs due to it’s extremely course and coily texture, the hair strands basically just wrap around each other and connects. Yes I can still wash it, in fact you should keep it clean. No I’m not a rastafarian. I’m not writing this to feed into stereotypes surrounding locs or lack of understanding of black hair, I’m writing this to share my journey.

I decided to go natural my junior year of high school after researching and learning more about black hair. I’d realized I’d been taught to “perm” or relax my hair (a chemical straightening process lots of black women do to keep straight hair) my entire life. Learning more about the dangers of this and how damaging it can be to the hair I decided to transition to natural hair.

I stopped getting relaxers and I’ve been fully naturally since 2011. Though I never fully understood my natural hair. It was very difficult for me to learn how to maintain my natural hair. Black hair in it’s natural form is unique and beautiful but A LOT of maintenance.

I’d spend entire days washing and deep conditioning, trying products and moisturizing. I’d attempt different styles, none of which ever turned out properly. I’d spend hours on end twisting my hair, sit for 10 hours to get braids. It all just took so much energy and time.

I’d began experiencing lots of breakage and never retained the length I’d aimed for when starting this journey. I was never told that diet and stress and number of other things played a huge role in hair health. I’d also never realized how much time we spend as black women maintaining our hair.

I enjoy experiences and enjoying my weekends making memories with others. I found I was spending more time doing my hair than I did actually having fun.

The amount of maintenance my hair needed became a serious issue during my pregnancy. I was extremely sick, and at some point on bedrest and unable to walk. I still managed to spend hours on end twisting my hair out of obligation. I hated it!

I became so fed up with the fact that even when I had no strength to stand I HAD to do my hair. No one around me understood this struggle as this is something that is unique to black women. (Yes white girls do their hair, but it doesn’t take them an entire weekend).

So after years of struggling with my loose natural hair, I decided to loc! Boy do I wish I would’ve started this journey sooner.

I’d become a huge fan of low-maintenance styles during my last few years as a natural. Since I am now a married mommy and full time student, I can’t just set aside entire days or weekends to maintain my hair, yet with loose natural hair if I didn’t breakage would be an issue.

I’ve been locking my hair for 6 months now and besides moisturizing, shampooing my scalp and adding essential oils I leave my hair alone!

I’m learning this is the best thing I can possible due for my hair type.

Though this journey is not only allowing me the freedom  to stop being tied down to my hair but also the freedom to spend my free time making memories with the ones I love!

No more Saturdays stuck inside pre-pooing and deep conditioning. At least not for me! CHEERS!

*For more on my journey check out MikeandRere on Youtube. Click MikeandRere above (below the photo) to watch the video*